


Sad machine.

by Dame_Dulces



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: A blurred line between romantic and platonic, DICE is mentioned but never actually appears, Fluff and Angst, Immobility, Kiibouma, Loneliness, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Orphan Oma Kokichi, Phantom Thief AU, Poor Keebo needs friends, Professor idabashi is mentioned but never actually appears, Robodick jokes, Some Swearing, Tickling, temporary paralysis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 21:40:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16731138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dame_Dulces/pseuds/Dame_Dulces
Summary: Keebo finds himself consumed by loneliness until a silver tongued thief breaks into the Idabashi lab late one night.





	Sad machine.

It was after midnight. The lab was illuminated by the light of the full moon, a melancholy shade that reminded Keebo of his solitude.

It had been months since the “incident” with Professor Idabashi, and he’d been instructed not to leave the lab for any reason. Although he’d reset his own AI and ultimately been reborn again, Idabashi didn’t want to take any chances. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the kind-hearted robot; at least, that was his excuse every time Keebo asked. Apparently, he wanted to ensure that Keebo’s AI was 100% ready for the outside world. He also wanted to make sure the Turing Test conditions were favorable when the time came.

After all, his purpose was to become the most humanlike robot known in existence.

However, the professor never considered his creation’s feeling of loneliness. After almost half a year of being kept in isolation with only Idabashi as a companion, he was starting to wonder if he had only been created as an ego booster for the robotics engineer.

Keebo wandered through the empty hallways, contemplating his purpose and feeling himself overcome with existential dread.

“What’s the point of all this,” he said aloud to no one. “Why create a conscious being if you’re just going to keep it locked away forever?”

As he ruminated in his bitter thoughts, he detected a disturbance coming from the experiment room down the hall. His audio picked up the sound of a large mass bumping around in the vents. Thankfully, his five senses were much stronger than the average human’s.

He tiptoed his way to the end of the hall, careful not to cause too much noise. The door was slightly ajar, and he heard the iron bars kicked open. He waited to see what would emerge from the darkness.

“…Jeez, what a pain! And here I thought this gig was gonna be a breeze.”

Keebo’s froze when he heard the unfamiliar voice and saw a young man crawl out of the vent. He had messy, violet colored hair that seemed to stick out in all directions. His big, round eyes and his plump cheeks made him look like an innocent child, although he sensed a dreadful amount of mischief in his expression that couldn’t be put into words. He was tiny, about five feet tall, and couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds soaking wet. His white clothes were stained gray with dust and dirt.

The robot couldn’t help but stare. He was the first human he’d ever laid eyes on besides the professor, and he was beautiful.

He quickly shook himself out of his trance. This guy had broken into the lab, he was probably a dangerous criminal! He had to do something about it!

“STOP!! Who goes there?”

Mustering up his most intimidating voice, Keebo barged into the room and barked his inquiry. However, this didn’t seem to faze the purple-haired burglar. Instead, his eyes lit up like stars when he saw the robot.

“Wooooow, so the rumors were true! Idabashi really did make an android!”

“Wh-who are you? And what are you doing here? You’re trespassing on private property!”

Out of nowhere, the burglar began to sniffle. Keebo saw tears forming in the corners of his eyes. In a matter of seconds his expression had changed from curious to frightened.

“P-please don’t hurt meeeee! I just wanted to see a real life robot up close! I don’t wanna get in trouble!! WAAAAAAAH!”

He burst into tears and wailed loudly, causing Keebo to panic.

“Wait… don’t cry… it’s okay! I don’t blame you for being curious, I suppose…”

Suddenly, the tears stopped, and the burglar let out a maniacal cackle much to Keebo’s dismay.

“Ha! You actually believed that cruddy lie? For a machine that’s supposed to be super smart, you sure are stuuuuupid!”

“Hey! How dare you!! I have an extremely intricate AI system that’s almost identical to human brain waves!”

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. There’s a more important question we have on our hands, though.”

He approached the timid robot, staring down at his pelvis with a look that made Keebo very uncomfortable.

“Do robots have dicks?”

Keebo’s felt his face grow hot.

“-What?! D-don’t ask such questions!”

“Come oooooon, I wanna know! Can I see it? Can I see the robodick?”

He got closer and closer, much to Keebo’s discomfort. Before he could utter a protest, Keebo found himself being fondled by the curious intruder.

“Ooooh, and what is it that you made of? Aluminum? Steel? Titanium? Is the robodick made of metal too, or is it softer?”

“Wait, s-stop! That feels weird… aaaaaaAAAAAH! Don’t touch me there!!”

Keebo squirmed as the tiny hands caressed his body and poked into the delicate spaces between his metal plates. No one had ever touched him in such a way, not even the professor, so these new sensations were quite foreign to him. He wasn’t sure how to react. He tried to push him off, but the little gremlin was much too fast. He started to panic again, he knew he had to do something soon, or else something bad was going to happen!

“Agh! Okay, I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice!”

Keebo lifted his right hand. The middle of his palm glowed with a strange green light and shot out a ray beam at the unwanted visitor. It struck him in the chest, and he fell backwards onto the floor. For many seconds he didn’t move. Keebo rushed to his side, checking to see if his heart was beating and if he was still breathing.

“Hello? Hello?! Are you okay?”

“Ugggh… I can’t… move…”

“Oh, thank goodness!! I was afraid the immobilizer hit you with too much force…”

“What… did you do… to me…?”

“Hold on, I’ll bring you somewhere more comfortable.”

He picked up his lightweight body and carried him out of the room.

 

~~~

 

“Nnnnhhh… where am I…”

The burglar’s eyes blinked groggily. Keebo stared intensely down at him.

“You’re in my bedroom. Well, I guess technically it’s just my recharging station, but I made a bed so you’d be more comfortable.”

The robot had laid three layers of blankets on the floor with a tiny square pillow for the burglar’s head. There he laid, unmoving and still drowsy from the aftereffects of the immobilizer.

“What the hell did you shoot me with…?”

“Oh, that was my immobilizing ray. It temporarily paralyzes your muscles. You won’t be able to move any of your extremities from the neck down for at least another hour or two. But don’t worry! It doesn’t affect your respiratory or nervous functions.”

“Ooooh, how sci-fi. Whatcha gonna do now that you’ve captured me? Are you gonna torture me? Rip me apart from limb to limb? Vaporize me with your lazer beam eyes?”

Keebo was taken aback. “No!! I’d never harm a human being in that way! It goes against my programming! And I don’t have any dangerous functions like that anymore.”

The burglar scoffed. A few strands of purple hair fell across his forehead.

“Awwww, how boring… well, if you’re not gonna do anything to me then why’d you bring me here?”

“Oh, I guess... I just wanted to talk. That’s all.”

“Huh?”

Keebo blushed a little, suddenly feeling shy.

“Actually… I haven’t been able to interact with other humans since… since my creation.” He paused, almost letting his shameful past slip out. “The only other person I’ve had conversations with is the professor.”

“Jeez, how pathetic. You’re just a sad machine with no friends. And here I thought you’d be some kind of secret weapon used by the government to seize power. How disappointing.”

The comment sent daggers through Keebo’s heart, or at least its equivalent. He opened his mouth to protest, but he had no rebuttal. The burglar’s observations were 100% accurate.

“Maybe so… but I was still able to capture you.”

“Tch! Whatever.”

The burglar turned his face away, his cheeks tinted red. Was it from embarrassment, or shame? Keebo couldn’t quite figure it out.

“So, can I ask for your name?”

“You can ask all you want, it doesn’t mean I’ll tell.”

Keebo let out a robotic sigh. “You don’t have to be so difficult, you know. I’ve decided not to report you for the time being.”

“As if that’s what I’m worried about.”

“What if I tell you mine first? My model name is K1-b0, but I like to go by Keebo.”

The burglar waited a few moments before finally giving in, realizing the robot was not going to let it go.

“Kokichi. Kokichi Ouma. And don’t you forget it.”

Keebo muttered his name. “Kokichi Ouma… That’s a lovely name.”

“Tch.”

Keebo poked at his captive’s puffed out cheek. “Kokichi Ouma. Would you rather sit here in silence for the next two hours, or can I ask you more questions about yourself?”

The boy said nothing. Keebo was disappointed, but he didn’t let it stop him from developing his AI further.

“Fine, don’t talk. But I do want to learn more about humans. Mind if I do some experimenting?”

The robot’s eyes scanned his body. His skin was pale, almost translucent, and barely seemed to cover his bones. Blueish veins were visible on his inner wrists and the sides of his neck. It was almost as if he was malnourished. His arms and legs resembled twigs, looking like they would crack if handled too roughly.

“You’re very skinny. Do you receive proper nutrition?”

Again, no answer. Letting his curiosity get the better of him, Keebo began tracing his exposed skin from neck to his wrists. He was surprised to hear a guttural sound emerge from Kokichi’s throat.

“Gggh! Stop!”

Keebo blinked, feeling confused. “What’s wrong? Does this cause you pain?”

“No, it’s just annoying! I don’t like it!”

Puzzled, Keebo ignored his complaints and continued his exploration. His shirt had ridden up from before, and he could see what he knew to be a bellybutton peeking through. 

“I’ve always wondered what the function of a belly button was. Do you know, Kokichi Ouma?”

He poked into it as if pressing a button, and heard a stifled squeal escape his lips.

“EEEEGH! I said STOP!”

“Why are you making such strange noises? If it doesn’t hurt, then you shouldn’t have any reaction.”

“For fuck’s sake… are you really THAT inept? I’d feel sorry for you if you weren’t so annoying.”

Kokichi’s words failed to discourage the robot. His metallic fingers continued their travels on his exposed midsection and prompted more bizarre sounds. When he hit one of the bony ribs on his lower side, he heard him giggle for the first time.

“Eeheeehee! Okay, seriously, stahahap!”

“Now what is it? Why are you laughing? I haven’t told a joke, nor have I done anything particularly funny.”

“Becahahahse! It… it tickles!”

Tickles? This was new. Keebo’s AI scrambled to create a new schema.

“What are ‘tickles’?”

“Ugh, they’re annoying fucking sensations people feel when they get touched in certain areas and instead of crying out in pain, they laugh. It’s called being ticklish. Okay? Now can you knock it off? I really hate it!”

The haughty tone had left Kokichi’s voice, replaced by a somewhat desperate tremor. Not catching onto the social cues, Keebo continued his line of questioning.

“Please, tell me more about these ‘tickles’. What does it feel like to receive these tickles? And why do people laugh?”

“Oh my goooood, I don’t know! I’m not a scientist, I’m a Phantom Thief. Why don’t you do a google search and figure it out for yourself?”

“Which areas of the body are the most ticklish on humans?”

“As if I’d tell you!!”

Keebo couldn’t help but smile. “Then I guess I’ll have to find out for myself.”

He pulled up Kokichi’s shirt even more so that his torso was more accessible.

“You seemed to have the biggest reaction in this area.”

He put all ten fingers on either side of his belly and began caressing the skin gently. If Kokichi was able to move, he would’ve curled into a fetal position immediately.

“Ahahahaha! Nooooooo stooooHAHAHAP!”

Keebo smirked. “This must be a sensitive area for you, Kokichi Ouma.”

“Shut uhahahap! And stop tihihickling meeee!”

His hands floated upwards, climbing his ribs one by one. With his ability to squirm taken away, all Kokichi could do was laugh frantically.

“HAHAHAHAA! PLEEHEEHEEZE DOHOHON’T!”

Keebo pulled away, sensing alarm in his unwilling victim.

“Okay, I won’t tickle you anymore. But only if you agree to talk to me. I want to know more about you.”

When he calmed down and regained his steady breathing, Kokichi was able to answer him. Keebo noticed a subtle change in his face. Was it sadness? Anger? Maybe he shouldn’t have tickled him without knowing the social implications of it ahead of time. He wished he had more experience reading body language, perhaps then he’d understand how Kokichi was feeling.

“Listen to me when I say this, _Keeboy_ … you don’t want to know someone like me.”

“Why not? I find you fascinating. And you’ve taught me so much already, even though we just met.”

“Because I’m the Phantom Thief. I’m a criminal, ya numbskull! I break into people’s houses and steal things and I don’t feel bad about it at all. Are you sure you want your first human friend to be a no-good felon like me?”

Keebo paused, deep in thought.

“Hmmmm. Why did you become the Phantom Thief? Why not pursue a more respectable profession, such as a leadership role in a business? Something tells me you’d be good at that.”

Kokichi let out an annoyed sighed.

“Fiiiiiine, what the hell. I suppose it doesn’t matter if I tell a recluse robot about my Dark and Troubled Past. You don’t have any friends to tell anyway.”

Keebo listened as Kokichi told him about his childhood. How he grew up without parents, being shuffled from foster home to foster home until he was released from the system at 18. By that time, he had already started a syndicate gang of sorts that made a living by robbing the upper-class apartments on the east side of the city. They were steadily moving onto bigger heists, such as stealing artifacts from museums and bank vaults to sell on the black market, and so far none of them had been caught. Thus how he’d earned the title “Phantom Thief.” Keebo found himself feeling a little sorry for him.

”I see… so humans suffer later on in life when they don’t receive proper nurture at a young age.”

“I don’t need your pity. I’ve taken care of myself just fine ever since I was a kid. None of my foster parents ever gave a shit about me. The only real family I’ve ever had are my fellow D.I.C.E. members.”

“D.I.C.E.? Is that that name of your gang?”

“Yuppero! We’re the largest secret evil organization in the city! And someday, we’re gonna go worldwide. But that’s all I’m gonna tell you.”

Keebo paused for a moment, analyzing all the data he had collected so far. His head whizzed and buzzed like an old school computer from the 90s downloading a large file.

“Kokichi Ouma. Do you ever feel… lonely?”

“Lonely? Me? HA! How could I ever be lonely when I have 10,000 members of D.I.C.E. supporting me?”

Keebo wasn’t fooled by his exaggerated lies or by his tough guy act. He recognized the same sadness in Kokichi’s eyes that he himself had been feeling since that awful day of the incident many months ago. But unlike him, Kokichi seemed unwilling to admit it.

“But don’t you wish you had a friend? Someone you could talk to about your feelings?”

“ And whyyyy in the world would I ever do that? Feelings are just weapons people can use to hurt you.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Kokichi flinched. His fingers started to twitch ever so slightly. A cheeky smile spread across his youthful face.

“Heh… it looks like your immobilizer’s wearing off.”

“Hmm, yes, I suppose it’s been over an hour since you were hit.”

Silence fell between the two. Keebo was running out of time. He knew Kokichi would run off the moment he regained mobility, and he sat there puzzled for several seconds trying to figure out a solution.

“Kokichi Ouma. Why don’t we make a deal?”

“Hmmm? What kind of deal are we talkin?”

“When the immobilizer wears off, I’ll let you go and I vow to keep your crime, and your past, a secret.”

“Oooookay. And what do you want in return from little ole me?”

Keebo took a deep breath.

“In return, I’d like you to come visit me every night.”

“Whawhawhaaaaat? Are you insane? I’m a busy guy, Keeboy! I can’t afford to waste my precious time talking to some android hikikomori every night!”

“Would you rather I alert the authorities to the identity of the Phantom Thief? What would the members of D.I.C.E. do with their leader imprisoned for life? Surely you wouldn’t want to abandon them, since they’re your only family.”

Kokichi’s eyebrows furrowed as he spit out a scathing insult.

“Grrrr! You conniving piece of shit! Using my Dark and Troubled Past against me! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you with that information!”

Keebo lowered his eyes, regretting stooping that low but feeling desperate as his time with the human was running out.

“I’m not asking for much. Please? I’m not allowed or leave, or else I’d go see you instead.”

Kokichi went silent again. His plea seemed to move him, much to his surprise.

“You’re really that lonely, huh? So much that you’d make friends with a wanted criminal?”

“I don’t mind, as long as you don’t mind being friends with a recluse robot.”

The purple haired burglar almost laughed.

“You know what, Keeboy? You might be pathetic, but you sure are something. Fine, it’s a deal.”

“R-really?! You mean it??”

“Nope! That was a lie! AHAHAAHAHA!”

“Wh-what?! Fine, then I’ll just just shoot you with the immobilizer again!”

“Aaaaaaah, hold on…!!”

“I’ll find your other ticklish spots too, and then I’ll keep you here and tickle you until Idabashi comes in the morning!”

“OKAYOKAYOKAAAAAAY! It’s a deal! Jeeeez, you drive a hard bargain!”

Keebo took Kokichi’s hand in his. Kokichi shook the robot’s hand feebly, still weakened but slowly getting the feeling back in his limbs. Keebo wasn’t sure if he could trust him to keep his promise, but he figured he had enough information on him to force him to uphold his side of the deal. Time passed, and before long Kokichi was standing and walking around on his own again.

“Fiiiiinally! Now I can get the hell out of here! So much for stealing Idabashi’s classified information. Oh well, at least I got to touch a freaky robot!”

Keebo’s cheeks turned pink. “I’m happy I met you tonight, too. I don’t feel so lonely anymore. Thank you, Kokichi Ouma.”

Kokichi fidgeted as Keebo gazed at him longingly.

“Jeez, why are you looking at me like that… it’s making me feel weird.”

“I’m sorry! It’s just that… I think… I think you’re really beautiful!!”

Keebo blurted out his thoughts, which resulted in Kokichi’s eyes widening. He seemed legitimately shocked, as if he’d never received a compliment before in his life. A deep, rosy color invaded his cheeks.

“D-don’t just say shit like that out of the blue! Weirdo… and anyway, you’re only supposed to call girls beautiful. Didn’t you know that, ya dummy?”

“Oh… sorry.”

Kokichi made his way to the vent, disappearing without another word or even a glance back. Keebo felt a knot twisting in his stomach. Would he see Kokichi Ouma again? Or would this be the last time? He felt himself falling into despair at the thought of being left alone again. The loneliness threatened to overtake him, swallowing his inner thoughts and threatening to leak through in the form of tears…

… But just then, a round face poked out of the vent.

“Same time tomorrow?”

Keebo snapped back to reality, smiling widely and nodding his head excitedly.

“Yes!! I’ll be here waiting!”

“Alright. See ya around.”

And with that, the Phantom Thief vanished into the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been feeling lonely lately and self projected onto this fic. Woo!
> 
> To be honest, I love Saiouma, but I wanted to try my hand at other Ouma-based ships. Kokichi is such a fun character to write, and I love including Keebo in fics because I'm a sucker for robot-human relationships.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
